The 12 Days of Anecdotes – Day 7 “Little Full… Lotta Sap”


National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Image via Wikipedia

Everyone has their favorite holiday movie.  Mine is National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. I quote it whenever possible.

There is something about it that I can relate to.  I don’t have an Uncle Eddie who visits in an RV or empties his shitter down the drainage system, but I have gone to cut down our family Christmas tree in miserable weather conditions frozen from the waist up, I have eaten some pretty bad Jell-O molds that resemble cat food and I can see similarities in Aunt Bethany and Uncle Lewis in some of our family members. Though extreme, the film reminds me that I am not alone during this hap hap happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f-ing Kaye.

Our family holidays always include someone who brings their pet or multiple pets. Over the years, Chessie, Dandi, Andy, Brecken, Maddie, Leigha, Tuff, Kitty, Boomer, Lucy and others unnamed have yacked on a bone or scrap under our dinner table. I don’t know if they had a lip fungus that ain’t been identified yet but they sure did know how to clear a room.

Until recently, our gatherings didn’t include alcohol but it’s become a mandatory staple when the Biz e-Family hosts at our home. Sure, the most enjoying traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of kith and kin. But, a little help from Jack Daniels never hurts.

I always thought it would be cool to have my dad spring a big Christmas surprise on us like Clark Griswold did for his family when they found out that were getting a swimming pool.  But, my dad was self-employed so the only person handing out bonuses was him. Our budget was more in line with a Jelly of the Month Club than a pool.

Another neat tradition from the movie was when Grandpa Griswold recited the Night Before Christmas to the family. As a kid, I remember thinking we should do that. Our only Christmas Eve tradition was going to my Mammaw Taylor’s house, eating Famous Recipe Chicken, opening presents with my dad’s side of the family, chowing down on Esther Price candy and then driving around to look at Christmas lights.

Some years we would have more guests than others for the holidays, but the sequence of events was pretty predictable year over year. We’d drive to my mom’s family in Wapakoneta, OH, eat turkey or ham, talk about the huntin’ season with my dad and uncle, while mom and my aunt compared notes about which school mates (all with German last names like Hellenspacher, Shoeffenfruffen, or Wetzlebager) were married, divorced, or dead. Then someone, usually my grandpa or dad, would be the first to fall asleep in front of the TV.

If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than if the above didn’t occur.

But that’s what makes a family holiday, right?  And, that is what the National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation celebrates. It’s a reminder that family –for better or for worse—with all their idiosyncrasies is YOUR family.  That is your tradition and what makes Christmas for you special, not the decorations or the carols being sung by a fire. Most of the time, that stuff only happens in the movies. As an adult, I now get it.

And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney this year, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

P.S.  If you don’t know the movie enough to quote it.  This post isn’t going to make a darn bit of sense to you.

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About bizemom

I am a busy working mom (get it... "Biz e-Mom"?) of three kids under the age of four. I have a white-collar day job, I have a night job as a mom, and an "in between" job as a freelance writer and blogger. What can I say, I am a glutton for punishment and I don't go to bed until 1 a.m. No matter how much I complain, I like being busy. That must be the Sagitarius in me--we get bored easily. Now on to the next adventure (I mean... venture!)
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4 Responses to The 12 Days of Anecdotes – Day 7 “Little Full… Lotta Sap”

  1. auntbethany says:

    This post made TOTAL sense to me, seeing as how my screen name is Aunt Bethany! (I also have a poster on my site who goes by “Uncle Lewis,” and there are AMPLE allusions to Christmas Vacation). Awesome post! Now…”where’s the Tylenol?!?”

  2. Honestly, I can’t remember whether I’ve seen NL’s Christmas Vacation. I am tempted. Sounds like the perfect escape from my family dysfunction. Seated beside ol’ Henry of course. That would be Henry of Old Overholt rye whiskey fame.

  3. abbesroad says:

    Merry Christmas. The shitter’s full.

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