Angry BMW Owners Should Take Advice from Ice Cube


BMW Logo in Düsseldorf Hellerhof: Hans Branden...

Image via Wikipedia

A recent article in the U.K.’s Telegraph called out BMW drivers as the angriest on the road. The poll revealed that BMW drivers are more likely to tailgate, flick the finger and speed than anyone else on the road.

I tend to think that if that study would have been done in The United States, moms in minivans might have made the cut. I have seen some real bioootches on wheels driving minivans that would make BMW drivers look like pussy cats. My theory is that minivans usually contain moms. Moms are usually in a hurry, have screaming, crying kids in the back seat and are typically operating under high levels of stress. To top it off, I think women in minivans are discriminated against on the roadways and that makes them more angry.  That’s right, you heard me!  

People think that because we (woops, I mean “women”) are carting their kids around driving a clunky van with an honor roll or soccer mom sticker on that back that we aren’t bad.  They assume we will go the speed limit, halt at the school crossings and prevent them from reaching their destination in the quickest amount of time possible.  I know I used to think that when I was an SUV owner. So, I can say it without sounding like I have a chip on my shoulder. Furthermore, cars don’t let minivans into merging traffic.  They don’t want a minivan in front of them for fear we’ll just get in way.  Minivans definitely get the shaft.

I fancy myself to be a GREAT driver.  Consider yourself lucky to be on the road with me. Here’s why:

1.)    I always do the “mirror, signal, head check” move before changing lanes. 

2.)    I constantly scan the panoramic view in front of me to defensively break if some A-hole cuts me off without looking.

3.)    I regularly look in my rear view to see who may be coming up behind so I get out of their way.

4.)    I have a fabulous internal biological cop radar detector.  It’s in my gut.

5.)    I like to think I am courteous to others—most of the time.

6.)    I don’t text while driving (only at lights.)

But most of all, I always go 5-10 mph over the speed limit (sometimes more if the situation allows). I am never in your way.  Eat MY dust.

My car driving confidence may come off sounding like I am bragging.  But, I have supporting evidence that in all of my 35 years of life, I have only received a ticket three times. (One of those times was bullsh*t too but I won’t go into that.)

All that said, if you are an angry, road raged nutcase, I will not hesitate to cut you down to size.  Just yesterday, some pathetic old hag was riding my tail because I signaled and got over in front of her on my way home from Cleveland.  Let the record show I did not cut her off. The entire drive I had been outpacing her.   As I saw someone coming up behind me fast, I moved from the far left lane into the middle to let them pass. “Do unto others…” is my motto.

When that car passed and I signaled to get back into the far left lane where I had been this lady sped up to 93 mph to prevent me from taking back my rightful position ahead of her. Minivan or not, I will take you.  I had no problem going 93 mph and I had even less of a problem keeping her in her place.  She road my tail.

Like some bat out of hell, she began dodging in and out of all lanes because no one was going fast enough for her.  It was like she had just taken a caffeine shot intravenously. She was actually becoming a menace to the road. At that point, I enjoyed gliding past her as her measly attempts to use the slow lanes to circumvent me were thwarted, no matter what lane she chose. 

Eventually, she got a little too close and dangerous for me to play games as she forced her dilapidated Chevy Cavalier in front of me with only a half car length between us.  I eased up on the gas and let the wicked witch in—but not before flipping her the bird.

Then, she rode the tail of the next car and four others after that, zipping in and out of lanes until she was a whole six cars in front of me.  What a difference! Loser.

Ok, so maybe I am an angry minivan driver but I don’t let my anger endanger my life or anyone else’s. Like the lyrical genius Ice Cube instructed when I was young, “Better check yo’self before you wreck yo’self.” Those wise words rang true yesterday.  As far as the BMWs on the road, they were all quite nice.

Who else do you think earns the honor of angriest?  The research is below:

1. BMW

2.White van

3. Audi

4. Ford

5. Land Rover

6. Lorry

7.Vauxhall

8. Range Rover

9.Volkswagen

10. Mercedes

P.S. I have to tell all my BMW friends I love them before sharing a very old joke.

What’s the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?  The BMW has the pricks on the inside.

Bud dump dump

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About bizemom

I am a busy working mom (get it... "Biz e-Mom"?) of three kids under the age of four. I have a white-collar day job, I have a night job as a mom, and an "in between" job as a freelance writer and blogger. What can I say, I am a glutton for punishment and I don't go to bed until 1 a.m. No matter how much I complain, I like being busy. That must be the Sagitarius in me--we get bored easily. Now on to the next adventure (I mean... venture!)
This entry was posted in Cars, Dads, Family, Field Trips, Humor, Men, Parenting, Raising children, Safety, School, Sports and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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